Bipolar Religion
Reaching for the sugar on the table in the casino cafeteria he said, “You don’t look bipolar.”
She nonchalantly replied: “What is that supposed to mean?” She didn’t pay too much attention to the hook; she knew there was more to come.
“Just that you look like a unipole.”
“Oh come on, you are way more a unipole.”
“You don’t even know what I am talking about.”
“And with a high degree of probability and confidence level I really don’t want to.”
“Aw, no need to get fussy. Did you know you could spend your entire life in the daylight?” She stared blankly at him in response.
“It is all part of a new religion I created.” She continued the stare.
“What?” he laughed, “It is true. You could move from pole to pole and spend almost your entire life in the sunny daylight. Of course you would have to be bipolar.”
“I can move from pole to pole.”
“Yes”
“Wouldn’t you be jealous?”
“There you go, thinking like a pervert.”
“You left yourself open on that one”, she chuckled like a old wren.
“The beauty of this new religion is that it has two parts to it. The dark and the light part.”
“Are you sure you have not seen
“Look it is the basic tenant of marketing to create a need and then multiply that need”, he tapped his temple to illustrate his cleverness, “everybody already recognizes the need for religion. Now that the need is there, you split the religion into two parts and bingo you have doubled your money-making potential. Hence, since we have two poles make two religions. A dark side and a light side.”
“Aah, and I wonder why nobody has thought of this before.”
“Well, because it was bestowed upon me to introduce this religion to the people of the world.”
“Alright, just for kicks, who might you be today?”
“The Leader of the Bipolar Religion.”
“Oh my God, why didn’t you tell me this when we were still dating.”
“Well, to tell truth, I got my inspiration from you after we were married.”
“Screw you.”
“What!”, he laughed, “it is a compliment.”
“Yeah right.”
“Hey, you should be impressed. It has been bestowed upon me to expose how provincial and equatorial the peoples of history have been.”
“Like, duh, that is where most people are at.”
“Well, the Inuits aren’t.”
“The who?”
“Inuits, you probably know them as Eskimos but they don’t like to be called Eskimos per say.”
“Pray tell me the reason.”
“Well, Eskimo means meat-eater in their language so when you call them Eskimos you are referring to them by their eating habits.”
“Very interesting.”
“Know why the Inuits sit on their lawn mowers with frowns on their faces?”
“No.”
“Because they ran out of grass.”
“Would you please, I am trying to eat breakfast. Your nonsensical banter is not quaint this morning.”
“Well, see, I bet you thought the Inuits had grass to begin with.”
“They probably did before they smoked it all. Which brings up the question in my mind, have you been smoking grass.”
“Ha Ha, but anyhow it was just a joke. The Inuits live mostly on ice y’know.”
“Where your jokes should be also.”
“I would like to be Inuit.”
“A native living on ice flows.”
“No, in your it.”
“Aaah, now who is the pervert. Besides isn’t that why we are late to breakfast in the first place.”
“He he, I wonder if the Inuits can do it all night long.”
“Hmmmm,” she paused with spoon in her mouth, “now that conjures up a lot of mental images.”
“Ha ha, of course they live in igloos so there would have to be a modicum of decorum.”
“So how does one become a acolyte of the bipolar religion?”
“First, you have to decide whether you want to spend you entire life in the light, dark, or in the land of twelve hour days and nights, then second, you have to pay me money.”
“Laugh out loud, you are letting the sound of these slot machines get to you.”
“Well, hey, the continual advances in modern transportation means that we can travel anywhere in the world with ease. So why not? You like sunlight, spend your entire life in it. And vice versa.”
“You are crazy.”
“That is why you like me isn’t it.”
“Well, that and you had a job.”
“And now I have a religion.”